Saturday, August 6, 2011

Regrouping From My Week

I have started to regroup. Hope was able to express some remorse for hurting me. I have been processing how overwhelmed I felt after Hope's rage and replaying what happened with the therapist over and over in my mind. I cancelled this weeks therapy appointment because I need more time. I have decided I will find a new therapist long before I give serious thought to removing Hope. I have gone through this before. Many of MK's therapists and psychiatrists urged me to send her to an RTC for my own safety. It was really hard, but with the help of CCS we were able to keep her with us. I know I was healthier and younger then, but that just means I may need a different kind of help.

My CPAP machine arrives Tuesday. I am going to use it without oxygen until my appointment with the pulmonologist. I am hoping it helps my energy levels, stabilizes my blood pressure, and kick starts my thermostat. A lot of expectations for such a little machine!

The beginning of school is on the horizon. EYP has two more weeks. Hope summer teacher is campaigning to put Hope in first grade. She is a nice, older lady who seems clueless about the new high stakes expectations. Hope knows her alphabet and that is good enough for first grade. I managed to end the conversation by reminding her that Hope was in a self-contained k-1 class and it didn't matter what grade we said she was in. GB has her regular teacher for EYP. I met with him yesterday. He has spent the summer mostly one on one with GB. He found a lot of gaps left from the disastrous year of first grade. As he has worked with her to try and identify all these gaps, GB has emotionally traveled back to first grade and now feels like she is stupid and can't do anything right.

My first CSE meeting of the year is scheduled this week. I wasn't sure what I wanted to change when I scheduled it, but come August there is always something to change. I will be adding at least one more individual speech for Hope and at least one more individual counseling for GB. GB will also be working from a different reading curriculum.

I want to thank everybody for their support. The comments, messages, and emails helped me slow my mind down enough to start processing everything that happened this week. I may have "a useless little blog with no traffic" according to Anonymous, but I have the best readers in the blogsphere.

11 comments:

Sunday Koffron said...

I am glad you are starting to “re-group”, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And who cares how much traffic you get? You have built yourself a little community here, of people who care about you and your kids…and that is what matters.

TheLazyJ said...

You are a HUGE encouragement to me! I want you to know that. I wish too that we were closer, so I could give you a break with the girls. My two got into a fist fight in front of the neighbor, again, the other day. Luckily she is a trauma mama and has seen this before, so it's "normal," but yes, gets hard.

I know you know this, but this article is a good reminder: https://www.nacac.org/adoptalk/inducement.html.

Hang in there. You are being refined and in the process encouraging us other moms and glorifying God.

My blog is private, but let me know if you want to read. Lots of crazy going on over here too! ha-ha! :)

stellarparenting.com said...

Love you, hang in there.

Seven From Heaven said...

I've been thinking a lot about you lately. When you wrote about Hope's last rage I wanted to email you so bad, just didn't have time.

I went through sorta the same thing last weekend and I can't seem to process it. I'm not sure where to turn, but feel like a prisioner in my own home.

I'm praying for you and I hope you get the answers you need. You are an encouragement to me too!

Karen -AspergersMom said...

I am sure that this blog is the best therapy you can possibly get. It's not a popularity contest. It is also therapy for the community that faces the same challenges. Screw "Anonymous" (pardon my French).

Natalia said...

I never comment, but I want you to know how much your blog helps me. Don't stop writing =)
Hugs from Brazil

"Lil Ol' Me" said...

Dear heaven who the he!! cares about blog traffic. Really?

I'm glad you are here.
I"m glad for your support.
I"m glad that your lil side of the blogging world is here.

And I'm very thankful for that.

I love you!!

Ranger said...

Useless?! ROTFL. Er, no, certainly not to this household, your posts often lead me to think again about things from a new perspective, often a more balanced, calmer one, that lets solutions start to emerge instead of being stuck seeing nothing but the problem. I appreciate you and your blog hugely {}

Barb G said...

I too am glad you are regrouping. You are an exceptional Mommy to Hope and GB.

And the 'anonymous' poster? It sure does take alot of 'courage' to hide behind the word 'anonymous' as you spew venom on others. I hope he or she isn't a parent who spews this kind of harsh attitude all over their children too.

You are a MIGHTY WARRIOR, my friend. Don't ever forget that. (((hug)))

Struggling to Stand said...

I'm sorry you've had such a tough week. I sometimes think about the "knowledge" that kids born to moms w/ no arms somehow know not to get in as many dangerous situations. And I wish mine could pull back on their behaviors when my mental problems slow my reaction times. But real life doesn't work like that. ... A long way of saying wouldn't it have been nice if Hope had waited until after the CPAP machine arrived? (I don't think the thing will do anything about your thermostat, sorry.)
I agree w/ previous comments that you aren't done trying until you know you can't try any.more. Is Hope being "unhelpful" for GB. Yes. Like my Mr P is "unhelpful" to my Mr L. We do our best; siblings happen.
So glad I didn't see you last week, in a you-**really**-didn't-need-more-travel sort of way. I think MB plans on being there for many more years.
And, compared to my traffic flow, you are a goddess.
{{ hugs }}

marythemom said...

Yea, what they said! Anonymous doesn't "get it." Too bad for him/her.

This is a tough job and you're only human. If even the "professionals" struggle with only one special needs child (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/08/margaret-jensvold-marylan_n_921317.html?ref=fb&src=sp#sb=2017326,b=facebook) how dare Anonymous imply that you are in any way not doing an amazing job!

Hugs and prayers,
Mary