My Friend @ Life in the Grateful House

My friend, Lisa, writes over at Life in the Grateful House.  After being gone so long, she has started writing again. For those of you that know Lisa, 'nough said! For those of you who haven't had the privilege of knowing Lisa, I would like to give you a short  introduction and the reasons why I think you should pop over to see her blog.

• Lisa has been a Trauma Mama for over five years and has seen it all.
• Her daughter, J, is well along on her journey of healing. J is remarkable in sharing with other Radlets who are not as far along in their journey.
• Lisa is a Tapping Guru, Reiki Master, Hooper extraordinaire, and all around person I can count on.
• Lisa and J created a video on Tapping just to use with Hope. We have just started  using it, and I will let you know how we progress.
• She is one of the most talented photographers on the internet. Some of her pictures have driven me to tears, with me being clueless as to why.
• Every time I visit Life in the Grateful House, I come away with new ideas, a different perspective, or a piece of beauty.
• I love and trust her and neither are something I do easily.
• There is a lot more to Lisa's story, but it is her story to tell.

Back in the Thick of It

Hope raged twice yesterday when the Dad wasn't home. I didn't lose it, although I thought about it. Thankfully, GB earned her dollar and stayed out of the room. Hope stayed together enough in the afternoon to have a play date with the brother of one of GB's friends. It worked out well because the boy Hope was playing with has a PCA  all day Saturdays and their were three adults supervising four children.


This morning, Hope raged before we even got downstairs because there were no clean socks in her drawer. She knocked over a table and a chair, scratched, punched and hit me. She started screaming "I want Daddy" and something broke inside me. The Dad came and I told him to leave, he was not involved in this incident. It took until 11:30 before Hope gave up on waiting for Daddy. She finally calmed down. We cuddled and processed where we started (lack of socks) , result (2 1/2 hour meltdown), and consequence (She has to stay within three feet of me all day). She picked up the things she knocked over and threw. Then I let her cuddle her Daddy. She is now playing quietly with her doll at my feet.


Tomorrow, I will tackle SPOA again. I have no choice.

Moving the Other Blog- update

New post on other blog with information. If you did not have access to the other blog when it was on blogger and haven't received a recent email from me, you can email me for the information. If you are a new reader and I don't know you, please include enough information that I am comfortable sharing the other blog with you.

I Lied

On Monday, I posted that I had no expectations that the meeting set up by Hope's ICM worker would result in any real help for us. At the time, I thought that is what I believed. Alas, I was kidding myself, The Dad, and everybody else at that meeting. I only realized it today.


The ICM worker called today and said the SPOA committee turned down her request to transfer Hope to a program that would meet her/our needs- one with on call 24/7 crisis management, behavior management services, and regular respite. I wasn't surprised, but after I hung up I found myself close to tears.


SPOA wants more records of psychological and psychiatric testing on Hope. They already have all the records of every evaluation that has been done on her. There is nothing else to give them.


Hope had her usual difficult morning, but did make it to school. This afternoon, I do not have it in me. I took her book bag without looking at her communication log or homework and set her in front of the TV, where she  will happily vegetate until dinner. After dinner, it is medication and bed. Therapeutic? No. It is what it is.

IEP Season Is Here: How Not To Get Burnt

It is that time of year again. Parents who have children with special needs are attending their child(ren)'s Annual Review. After 30 years of making every mistake ever made, I thought today would be a good day to list the ones I should have never made, in hopes of helping someone else avoid them.

1. The IEP is a legal document. 
2. If something is agreed to by the school district, but not put in the IEP, the agreement never existed.
3. If the school district tells you a 504 plan is "just as good", they lie. A 504 plan does not have as many built in protections for your child.
4. When the school district says you can't have a service for your child "because that is not how we do things in this district" that is a HUGE red flag. By law, the first thing they need to determine is your child's needs. What the district has to offer does not determine your child's needs.
5. Following the IEP is not optional. Everybody who comes in contact with your child HAS to follow his/her IEP, even if they don't agree with it.
6. The more prepared you are when you go into the meeting, the better the meeting will go. The school saves money by assuming the parents will not know or insist the child have an appropriate IEP.
7. Every parent with a special needs child should bookmark http://www.wrightslaw.com/  This site does a great job of answering the questions of  what your child is entitled to as far as a FAPE (Free Appropriate Public Education) and lots of suggestions to help you get it.
8. Never sign anything but an attendance sheet unless you are absolutely sure you know what you are signing and why they want you to sign it. If you have any doubts, tell the district you need time to consult with your professionals to make sure you understand what your signing.
9. If your child has done something the school views as serious, do not agree or sign anything without professional advice. This recently happened to a friend of mine and they held a Manifestation Hearing without explaining how serious it was and the long range consequences it could have  for her son. Fortunately, she knew enough not to sign anything. In these days of zero tolerance, you have to be extra vigilant.

There is a lot more to making sure your special needs child gets the FAPE education they are entitled to by law. This list is only a good start.

Important Stuff

Hope's meeting today gathered information. The information  will presented to SPOA tomorrow and we probably won't hear anything until Thursday.


One of my Trauma Mama friends' son made a really bad choice. My  friend was devastated. I am so proud of the way our group rallied around her with love, support, information, and practical help. There is no other group of ladies I would rather have my back then this group. I love them all.

Not Worrying About My Radlet

 Hope's massive team meeting, set up by ICM will take place tomorrow, sans outside therapist. I have no expectations of actually getting help from this meeting, so there is no energy going into it.


I am concerned about GB. She came home with mixed feelings about spending time with her birth father. J was very unpredictable relating to her and did not do well with X. GB and X unabashedly enjoyed the time they spent together and were not happy to part.

Since we have been home, GB has requested extra cuddle time and several times has fallen asleep in my arms. She seems much more sensitive to Hope's nasty remarks, which Hope tries to save for when no one is listening. I know GB needs more support and I am at a loss as how to provide it. There are many supports available for children with autism, but my gut feel is that the processing difficulties from the FASD is behind most of GB's current struggles. Support for FASD is non-existent in my area.


I also have to admit I am not keen on leaving her for the Parenting in Space  weekend in less then two weeks.




GB's needs get lost in the chaos RAD brings to our lives.