The payback for yesterday continued to be intense. The first hour of the session consisted of me restraining Hope. An hour. I was a stinky, sweaty mess in the waiting room, while the therapist watched. It seemed to last forever or maybe longer. When it was resolved (sloppy sitting, strong sitting, jumping jacks) it was a relief to sit in the AT's office and just breathe. The AT told me I did everything right- I wasn't escalating, just containing, and I kept calm, soft, and encouraging.
Hope and the AT worked on Hope identifying the need for her to have a mother in general and that mother being me. This was by far the hardest session Hope has had and the first time The Dad and I have seen genuine tears of sadness from Hope.
At the end of the session, The Dad and I heard some hard truths. The AT said that Hope had no internalized image of anything good coming from a mother- the damage done in Texas was deep and profound. There is nothing to build on. We will be doing as much nurture as Hope will allow, but mostly will be repeating what we were taught during the sessions hundreds, thousands of times, indefinitely. Hope is a very traumatized child.
Tomorrow the AT is meeting with GB, The Dad, and I without Hope. She is going to help us make sure GB's needs get met while we continue to help Hope heal. This stuff is just so hard.