Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Response to Anonymous

Yesterday's post on Hope received a comment from Anonymous Anonymous

Anonymous Anonymous said...
creativity might help. showing her things in the world that are "forever" because a little person doesnt understand concretely, especially a little person that has been dumped before.

show her how MK was little and now is big with pictures and is still there

show her how the pets do something "naughty" and still stay around

show her how your pool gets dirty or needs new chemicals, but it stays.

and for pete's sake, don't tell her she is bad. use naughty or some other word. Tell her she is NOT BAD.
BAD is internalized in the self. her behaviors are naughty, she is not BAD.

We have shown her MK's baby pictures and pointed out she is still her. We do not tell her she is bad. We say she did not make a good choice and point out what better choices look like. Hope's internalization of "bad" came with her from Texas. All our affirmations are currently falling on deaf ears. The Texas parents said all the same things and gave her away. Hope is doing her best to behave such that she gets sent away. We won't do that. I suspect we will be riding the behaviors out for a while, until Hope reaches the point she develops some consistent feelings of security.

I am not creative- it is not one of my gifts. I am dogged and I don't give up. Sometimes I retreat for a while and regroup, but I don't give up.

I pray  Anonymous is doing well and I appreciate her concern.


Acceptance with Joy said...

My one big beef about comments in the blog world is anonymous. Anonymous can hide behind words that can be pretty hurtful, or ignorant, or even tame, but when they aren't couragous enough to sign, it doesn't come across friendly.

Miz Kizzle said...

I didn't interpret anonymous' comment as condemning but it WAS insensitive. That's the problem with online interactions. IRL we can see facial expressions, hear tone of voice and gadge body language. In the blogosphere it's all written, and some people express themselves in writing better than others.
I have no doubt that you love Hope and would never, ever tell her she is bad.