Hope gave all her pre-therapy garbage to me this morning. I expected it and did not get physically hurt.
Today's goal was to make a time line of Hopes life. The therapist started with her birth and her birth mother. Then each month of her life in Texas was represented by a large white dot. The AT and Hope counted out 30 days for each month in the beginning, they did this for every month. After a while, they just named the month as put the sticker down. There were so many of them! They used tan stars to represent the months Hope has lived with us. The 22 stars looked so overwhelmed.
Hope was willing to talk about her birth mother and how her birth mother and Baby Hope might have felt. She was willing to imagine why her birth mom might have had to give her. She created a whole story, complete with a detailed picture and spent a lot of time on it. When the AT started talking about the white dots that represented life in Texas, Hope shut down. Completely. The AT got her to come back a little to talk about life with us, but it was a struggle.
We spent the rest of the session doing attachment exercises. Hope enjoyed most of them. The only one she balked at was when see was asked to tell me one time she was mad. She couldn't meet my eyes. She kept saying she couldn't remember. She stopped talking. We waited quite awhile. Eventually, the AT just moved on to the rest of the exercises.
When the AT was done, Hope went to the other room. The AT said that we might not get to the actual trauma tomorrow, we might spend the whole session fighting Hope to access it.
This afternoon we are practicing compliance and lots of jumping jacks. I guess that will also mean takedowns. My goal is not to get hurt.