Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hope No Likey

Today was my first day back soloing with the kids. Unfortunately, GB is still quite sick with strep. Hope no likey that. She wanted to stay home with strep today also. As a result, she forgot everything. She forgot how to put on her panties, she forgot where her shirts were kept. It took her forty five minutes to get dressed, which left her less than five minutes to eat her cereal. When I took the cereal away and said it was time to leave, she lost it,  pounding her feet and fists on the floor while screeching. She missed the bus and I had to drive her. We got to school and she *forgot* her book bag. I didn't bring it in.  I have already warned the school nurse what Hope is up to and that I will not pick her up unless she has a real fever.

It is hard to endure the cycles of a RADish. I know Hope gets scared when she doesn't get the lion's share of the attention. I know that anybody being acknowledged for an accomplishment makes Hope feel smaller. I understand that she is a black hole of love- adsorbing every little smidgen she can find and not letting any of it come back. I know, deep in my core, that Hope has control over none of this. It is not her fault.

Still. Her path to happiness is through these reactions to a place where she can love and be loved. A place where she can function in our family and, ultimately, in the world. I wish the path was easier for her. I wish a hug would make everything alright. And, today, I wish it was possible to take a break from being a therapeutic parent. But, like Hope, I will just have to get up, brush myself off, put on my big girl panties, and push on. I would look pretty silly pounding my feet and fists on the floor while screeching.


Sarah said...

for what it's worth... I have been known to get on the floor and scream and pound. Didn't really stop my kid's tantrum at all- he thought I was making fun of him and just got angrier- but it made me feel a little better for a minute. *hugs*

Kristin said...

I'd love to get down on my ODD's level and scream and get all stubborned up but it wouldn't do me a lick of good. And it'd be hell getting back up.

*hugs* You keep doing the best you can for both girls. It's all you can do.

Last Mom said...

My daughter and Sarah's son are so alike! I've tried the advice of throwing my own tantrum that I've seen in so many books. She just thinks I'm making fun of her and ramps it up ten fold!

But it might make you feel better to throw your own tantrum just for the same of throwing one!