Trauma Mama

I have been reading Lori, over at (link removed at blogger's request)  for a while now. Why? Her viewpoint is very different from mine and it is usually good to hear contrasting views. It makes you think. You can read the whole post, if you want, or here is an excerpt:

Pet Peeves....

Ok, there is something that just makes me want to scream.  Yep, I am intolerant of certain things after all, I am human.  So I figured that rather than ignore this stuff, I wanted to put it out there, after all, I am betting I am not alone!

Kids -

Specifically other people's children and certain places and behaviors. 

I hate when I am trying to buy groceries and there is a small child, or even a large child, pulling things off the shelves and putting them here there and every where in the aisle or several aisles over.... Nothing like reaching for a box of cereal and getting a handful of the quickly melting ice cream that the kid picked up in frozen foods - just as mom realized she hadn't picked up the cereal.....

I hate when I am trying to enjoy a meal and the people's kid behind me, or even close to me in the same section is screaming and/or sharing their food with the entire area.  After all, you know I paid for that meal as much as they did.

I hate it when a child is a smart ass.  No one thinks your kid is cute when they are being nasty and rude..... and swearing and being nasty are not ever cute.

As I was reading this, it pushed a button in me. There are a lot of children that are special needs, older, have behavior problems. Society wants us to adopt. When we adopt these children, they don't know how to function in a family, much less in the world. That is the job we accepted (knowingly or unknowingly) when we adopted them. This is the post I left in response.

How do you expect them to learn if they are never exposed? Three of my adopted children came to me after the age you would expect them to know how to act in public. None of them had ever eaten in a restaurant, gone to a play, or even had experience going to B&N. The only way they get this experience is to take them places. We always talk about what they can expect when they get there and what behavior we expect from them. It is a process and we rarely get through these experiences without a meltdown. We always take them to the car when they do meltdown, until they are regulated and can try again.

People who try to pierce the back of our heads with their glares are not appreciated. There is a whole other adoption world out there that you have apparently missed. Birth mothers and the trauma they left behind do not leave the option to pretend they don't exist. They are part of our children and we are always careful to be both positive and honest. Those pictures go in treasure boxes, safe with the child. The anger some of my children feel at their birth parents came with them, not from me. I am a Trauma Mama and damn  proud of it. I live and breathe to see my kids make it, not only in my family, but in the real world. A "paper mama" couldn't begin to do what I do.


It has been a couple of hours since I left this, but I am still hot. I am going to file this away until I cool down.



I have cooled down. I am trying to figure our why this blog sets me off  sometimes. A birth mother railing  about "Life's not fair" is only part of it. This particular post had nothing to do with being a birth mother or really adoption at all. If I had a birth child who was autistic or bipolar (like my sister) these behaviors would still be an issue. Even though it would be a child who had always be mine, these issues would still be real. Maybe I am tired of all the judgment that happens everywhere, while seemingly totally inappropriate behavior is glorified in the media.   Maybe I am so out there that I am looking for compassion coupled with standards. Or maybe it has just been a long couple of weeks and I just need to stop reading her blog. After all, she is probably doing the best she can, too. Just like the rest of us.