All of my children had birth parents who couldn't or didn't want to care for them or never knew of their existence. Hope was adopted by somebody else who couldn't/wouldn't deal with her severe mental illness. My kids had been screwed long before they were mine. My oldest RAD (26) also has FASD. We may not meet your standards, but we meet our commitment. 20,000 to 30,000 teenagers age out of foster care every year, with no family to fall back on. The last thing society needs is more kids aging out of foster care with no support. My children are not neuro-typical. Fortunately, they have someone who makes sure they get the services they need as adults.They have love, treatment, and a family that doesn't disappear on their eighteenth birthday.
That may not seem like much to you, but compared to the children never adopted, they have it all.
To those you have shown so much kindness and caring; Hope has been on edge but so far we have managed to keep things contained. Hope enjoyed her picnic at school today. GB loved her end of the year gymnastics and Hope held it together for the whole 40 minutes. A success for today.
GB's Mom
15 comments:
Wow...I mean WTH! I read "Annie's" comment to your previous post and I was to say the least very ticked off. You have sacrificed to help a child who was being thrown away from her last home. How can that ever be a bad thing to help out a child? HOW?? What does it matter that you are an older couple? How many foster children with special needs has Annie taken in? Why does she think her opinion is important enough to voice on your blog? SHe seems like an ignorant yuppie with grandiose perceptions of how fostering works. She probably makes a lot of money writing crap books on how to be a "good little foster parent". Oh did she make me mad. Sorry I just had to vent.
Did a bit of research on "The Primal Wound: Legacy of the Adopted Child" And it has horrible reviews. It is cited as being a very biased book. One review of the author Nancy Verrier was, "She reminds me of a psychology student how happens upon a hypothesis or theoretical model and applies it broadly to everything."
So Annie (if that is your real name) stop recommending crummy books.
Hope’s story is certainly a tragic and frustrating one. Everyone in this situation is suffering – EVERYONE. I hope that she and you can find the help you need so that you both can have some amount of peace in her life. Sending loving thoughts to each and every one of you. XOXO
*your*
I hope the best for Hope and GB.
GB's mom, I wish I could help you more. I wish I could carry some of your pain.
I wish I could do more to help you.
I am sad for you, for Hope, for GB.
Annie's comment reminds me the "know it all" persons I could meet in my life. Those who told mom that she should had placed me to Social Services because they would had never allowed such a failure (to be clearly understood as English is not my mother tongue, they were saying that my mom created me as a failure).
Please GB's mom, ignore those know it all. Listening to them goes nowhere, it wastes you tons of energy : they are the second problem for the price of one (you have one problem, and instead solving the first problem, they create a second problem).
Let hope that events in the life of those know it all will bring them some wisdom, some understanding of life.
Continue to do your best for GB and Hope.
How are GB and Hope doing ?
Is Hope better ?
I cross my fingers for attachment therapist.
I love you, and I'm sorry that someone who has never met you noe seen your heart can so cruelly come and post her ignorance on your blog. Continuing to pray. (((hug)))
I was pretty shocked when I read your troll's comment from yesterday - I don't get why someone reads a blog to just spew hate. Anyways, I am glad that today was better - what a great accomplishment for Hope to hold it together for the 40 mins! Glad that GB got to enjoy her gymnastics. Here's to you and your husband as you continue to plug along and get through each joyful and painful moment of parenting multiple kids with trauma. I personally am in awe of your candor and humor during your journey.
Dannette
I appreciate your blog and your sincerity. I am sure you are doing your very best. I think it is easy for some people to think they know all the answers. I know from my personal experience that bringing up a traumatised kid is certainly not a relaxing walk through a rose garden. And the woman who wrote you off so easily has never been in your shoes. Don´t pay any attention to that. Wishing you all the best, Hana
I think that, looking at your situation with Hope right now, it is easy to understand how a person who is ignorant of the big picture could think "How can you do that *TO* GB", And certainly GB does suffer at the hands of Hope, which is from the sounds of it something that all parents dealing with siblings and childhood menal illness have to deal with.
NOT taking care of people with mental illness is both cruel and dangerous. (I don't mean psycho dangerous, I mean going from foster care to prison)
You are working very hard to help kids that aren't even your kids lead safe and healthy lives.
P.s. I don't know what Annie meant by "an Adult who cannot function alone"...?? Last time I checked, no one functioned alone, and being a single parent was harder??
I don't know. Ignore her.
GB is so lovely on the balance beam. I'm glad to hear Hope didn't rage during her sister's special moment :)
Hate trolls. Don't understand why hatred makes someone feel better. Obviously there are deep wounds for this person so why not stay away from those blogs that make them feel so bad? I just don't get it.
With that said, you know we all support you and love you and back you up. You are trying to do the impossible and you keep on doing it day after day after long, long day. I'm sorry but even at its worst our kids are seeing mom and dad hold on when the rest of the world says give up. And that's enough. Some days that's all there is. Don't tell me what to do until you walk a mile in my shoes. The end. Love you.
Regarding Annie and other people who appear to revel in judgment, I have only the following to say:
When people are struggling with painful, overwhelming, and exhausting things, the only appropriate response is to offer spiritual, emotional, and/or material support. When a person is in pain, it is *not* the time to criticize or condemn. If a person is having a hard time, and you don't like their choices, and you have the urge to kick them when they're down, try to be a grown-up. In the privacy of your own home or house of worship, you might want to offer up a prayer for peace and healing. Other than that, STFU.
This is basic stuff. I learned it as a kid. Why it is so utterly lost on so many adults, I'll never understand.
So hang in there, mom. This is not on you. This is on Annie. You've done nothing wrong.
I admire you and the sacrifices you make for a child that someone else committed to and then felt they could abandon that commitment when it got tough. Don't listen to garbage that some people try to throw at you. They are not you and they obviously could not handle what you are able to. Know that all anonymous readers and commenters are not just trying to cause trouble. I love reading your blog and have much respect for you!
I have been reading your blog for a long time now, but I don't usually read the comments. Your last post pointing out how many people felt a right to judge you made me look. But, on this post, they all seem pretty positive. People judge. That's what we do, and why we have judgement. Try not to let the negativity get to you, because like me, most people admire you and appreciate what you are doing for these children. The rest? Well, some people are just going to be like that. And worse. They aren't worth your time.
Lori
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