Sunday, August 29, 2010

The First Two Days

  • Hope immediately took to her new Daddy. She wants him constantly and only feels safe when she is within touching distance of him.
  • Hope's instinctive response to a perceived threat is to hit, bite or scratch. It took GB about 48 hours to decide the best defense is an offense. She has now taken to scaring Hope with verbal stories (there is a wolf in the back yard) to keep Hope away from her. Whispering is no longer allowed and now both of them have to be in direct site at all times.
  • I am still the mean, ugly mommy. There have been a couple of times where she has come near me and even let me hug her, but only when she is not angry or afraid.
  • I did my first official attachment activity today- I fed her little pieces of birthday cake while maintaining eye contact. GB's/Hope's Dad has done a lot more with her, but it much easier to work on attachment with a little girl who sweetly calls you Daddy and bats her eyes at you.
  • The Dad and I have spoken about the need for consistent responses to both girls and are working on unified expectations.
  • So far we have managed to not be triangulated. I know it is just a matter of time before we slip.
  • The Dad goes back to work tomorrow. It will just be the three of us and the real work will begin. I have 9 days before school starts and an awful lot on my list.
  • I am really glad I am not a single parent. I don't know how they do it.

2 comments:

Lynn said...

It sounds like things are going as well as can be expected back home. I hope that it continues...9 days until school wow, the tracditional school system will be starting their second full week tomorrow. I think it is just weird to start school before labor day, but that is Colorado.

Struggling to Stand said...

Gotta wonder how her sibs treated her. It seems inevitable that they treated her badly, and without being discouraged. So yea, hitting, biting & scratching would have been learned self-defense.

You are mean because she knows (rightly) that you are why she is with her new family. Don't let it get you down.

ALL kids go through more-hugs and less-hugs stages. (OK, maybe not all. But mine did / do.) Massages are known to lower stress levels and increase oxytocin. So decide that for her therapy you need to give her 30 seconds of mini-massages (toes, leg, other leg, toes or fingers arm shoulders arm fingers) 5 or so times a day. That would benefit both of you.

Thinking of a comment you made earlier about having the 2 in the back alone while you drive. GB isn't super tiny. Double-check the allowed-to-be-in-the-front-seat law for your state. Or is Hope small enough to go into a 5-point toddler seat? My Mr P still has to be in one, and even though he has pretty good fine motor control, he cannot undo the seatbelt. (At least not the part between his legs.)

I can't begin to adivse you on so many of the important things. But I do think of you often.