Open adoptions are not always best. I know my oldest adopted daughter, now 26, has questions she would like answered. She deserves answers and I wish I could give them to her. GB, on the other hand, knows far more about her biological mother then she is capable of understanding. Her BM is in Lalaland and GB does not need any more stress in her life.
On Sunday, GB wanted to go to a Bar-B-Q with her bio grandparents at her aunt's house. GB and I spent a lot of time talking about the fact her birth mother would be there and her bio half-brother. Her Grandmother assured us that she would have no unsupervised contact. GB had a great time with her aunt and cousins and her grandmother kept her promise. GB was able to tell her BM she was there to see here aunt and was not speaking to her. She came home happy and relaxed, pleased with all the people she had seen, talked to and played with. She mentioned her BM tried to talk to her by herself, but Grandma hadn't let that happen.
The next day the phone calls started. People calling to ask me why there was a video of GB dancing on BM's page, captioned my baby dancing. All GB's biological family live within ten miles of us. I am afraid of strangers coming up to my daughter and saying things like "Aren't you BM's daughter?" GB needs her physical and her psychological space. She does not do well with strangers' lack of boundaries.
I may not be politically correct, but when BM walked out on my granddaughter without looking back, she forfeited the right to have her feelings influence any decisions about what is in GB's best interest. Her parental rights were terminated because of abandonment. BM went over three years without calling or seeing GB. For eight months of those three years she was in a homeless shelter less than a half mile from us.
I told her to take down the video. She refused. I reported it to FB. They said they would take it down. GB will have no more contact with her BM until it is in GB's best interest. I do not know when that might be, but I suspect it will not be any time soon. This adoption is officially closed.
5 comments:
I'm sorry that GB and you had to have your trust violated this way. Open adoption is great, when it can happen. But there are wise reasons to close the door to it as well. I'm thankful GB has you. (((hug)))
Amen! We have a "closed" adoption at least on our side. The Birth parents do not know our names or where the kids are. We live within a few miles of BM. Our kids were taken away becuase of severe neglect and life threatening abuse. Yet, BM carries on all the time (on her open FB page) about how she is looking for her children who only she loves. So glad my children do not have to be in contact with this woman who they fear.
Blessings, Dawn
You're doing the right thing. I had to set very firm and clear boundaries for both my sons as well. As they've grown into men, they have had to set their own boundaries and they've done pretty well. Although I have to say, one of my biggest challenges was getting the boys to a place of peace with it all.
I completely agree! We have a closed adoption and it is definitely best!!
You are doing what you need to do for GB. That is what "real" mom's do. They protect their children.
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