To Medicate or Not

To start, I want to make it clear that I am pro psychotropic drugs for any person, including children, that need them. GB has Bipolar I with psychotic features, as well as ASD and FASD. When she is stable on the right medication her joy is infectious. I know she will be on medication for the rest of her life and I am grateful that there are medications that work for her. My feeling about Hope and medication are different.

Hope is not Bipolar, ADHD, FASD, or ASD. Hope is RAD. Since all the other disorders were eliminated, one by one, by seeing various medical professionals, the goal has been to help Hope heal, and ultimately  have her medication free. When she came to us, the first thing we eliminated was clonodine. That left us with .75 mg of Risperidal a day. We have gradually reduce that over the last four months and now Hope is only getting .25 mg a day. Until she spoke to her first adoptive family (AKA, The Texas Parents), she was doing OK on the reduced dose of Risperdal. Since then, she is back to long rages again.


Last night, at  gymnastics, Hope raged in the waiting room. In the  almost an hour it took for The Dad to get to us from work, I manged to restrain her and keep her from hurting anybody but me. When The Dad showed up to take over, I was bloody, my arms were swollen, and I had bruises all over. I gave her .5 mg Risperidal last night and it still took her 1 1/2 hours to go to sleep. The Dad wants to go back to Hope getting .25 mg after school and .5 mg Risperidal at night.

I understand his feelings. I look beat up today and looked even worse last night. BUT, before that phone call, we could contain Hope on .25 mg of Risperdal and were contemplating eliminating it completely. And that is my dilemma. Hope's issued are caused by trauma- trauma she is not responsible for and should have never happened. GB will always be Bipolar I... Hope can heal and have healthy relationships. Medication is a given for GB. Medication for Hope appears to be about controlling her behavior.

I have never believed in using medication for the sole purpose of controlling a child's behavior. So now there is a decision; to medicate or not. What is in Hope's best interests?

Why Would...

I knew that there would be payback after the glorious day we had Saturday. Hope started tantruming as soon as we left for home. She eventually fell asleep. When she woke up, she went into a full blown rage. It lasted the rest of the ride home and flared up up twice more after we were home. So why do I periodically make decisions that I KNOW will have high payback?

• Hope is experience deprived. She needs as many different experiences as she can assimilate.
• One of the experiences Hope lacks is normal family memories. We make memories.
• GB has always had memory-making experiences and she continues to need them.
• Us parents need the opportunity to have friends and enjoy life.

Yes, reentry today was exhausting and just plain hard. That doesn't mean yesterday shouldn't have happened. It just means that sometimes you know something is worth its steep price.

A Day with a Soul Sister!

Yesterday's visit with Kristine was even better then I hoped for. The Dads hit it off, as did Noah and GB. All the kids had a blast at the zoo, swimming, and then Sonic for dinner. Kristine and I skipped out of the swimming and slipped into a bar for some girl talk and a drink. We rejoined the our families for dinner. All the kids did relatively well and had a great time. Noah and GB were able to deal with each other easily. Since we had each other, it didn't matter what the parents of NT kids thought. I can't wait until we can do it again!

I love Trauma Mamas and especially Soul Sisters! It was priceless :)

Running Away

I am, really. Hope's wrist leash,her time out mat, and all the pool stuff are packed. Of course, I have The Dad, Hope, and GB with me, so it isn't like I am running away for real. BUT I get to spend the day with a Soul Sister who was in my house last year and will be in my house this year. I am going to meet Kristine of http://mommyneedstherapy.blogspot.com at the philadelphia zoo. After the zoo, we are going back to the motel so the kids and hubbys  can swim. We may swim too, but mostly we are going to talk (maybe drink). I can't tell you how excited I am. Hopefully, I'll have pictures later. Right now, I am Doing the Happy Dance!

Getting Smarter

After my break through with Hope, not only was I ready for the crazies, I was preemptive. All  yesterday Hope stayed right with me. She did get annoyed late yesterday afternoon when I was talking to GB and not her. She started to write on herself and I was immediately on it. I told her sit on her mat. She gave me a flat out "NO". When I told her she could comply or she could skip her Friday field trip, she sat down. In less than a minute she was trying to bite me. I restrained her and she raged. It only lasted a half hour or so and then she relaxed and we cuddled. She wouldn't eat again, so I put her to bed. This morning I was ready for her. As soon as she was dressed, she was sitting until I was ready for my day. She was with me while I made breakfast, made GB lunch, and did GB's hair. She held my hand while we walked out to the driveway and waited for the bus. As the bus pulled up, she smiled at me and said "I love you Mama". Now, a six hour breather.

A Great Night !

Hope did very well sitting on her mat yesterday afternoon. She did so well, I let her join the kids swimming. After twenty minutes it was time to get out and dry off for dinner. Hope took my hand and said "We are still stuck like glue". We stayed stuck like glue until bedtime. When I kissed her goodnight, she SMILED at me and said "I like when we are stuck like glue". I let the girls use the good dream spray and they slept like a charm. They are still sleeping now and I am savoring the best night we've had in weeks.

The Rest of Yesterday

Yesterday never got much better. I was  hit, kicked, and stabbed with a pencil. On the way home from therapy, Hope drew all over her arms and legs with a pen and colored her lips bright pink with a marker. When we got home, I put her on her mat,  sitting  next to me. I ran a bath, but left her sitting until I regrouped. My husband was home before I was able to do that. I gladly gave Hope to him and he took out the scrub brush and got most of the stuff off.

Hope started this morning holding my hand and had shown enough control to sit on her mat and read before the bus comes. The Director of Special Ed rode the bus with the girls, and they came off the bus in good shape. Hope "lost" her HW and was unable to do it. Hope is sitting on her mat. MK has a friend and her kids over and everybody else is swimming. In a very sincere voice, I told her I hoped she would make a better choice next time.

How many days to Orlando?