The Importance of Parenting in SPACE

I went to the Parenting in Space (SPACE: Safety, Support, Supervision, Structure, Playfulness, Acceptance, Curiosity and Empathy.) Conference this past weekend. I was wildly unenthusiastic about leaving the girls and flying to Chicago for three days. The Dad had decided we should go. He took care of all the arrangements and I went along with it, albeit dragging my feet and whining quite a bit. 


I already had the connections I had made in Orlando. There are many women that will listen to me whine, offer help when I am overwhelmed,  and make me laugh when it seems like I have forgotten how. I knew The Dad didn't have this, but I didn't think it mattered. After all, men do not have friends that connect on meaningful levels, and they most certainly do not have any interest in sharing feelings. I was wrong.


Any Trauma Mamas who have been to Orlando know that the best thing that comes out of it is the conviction that we are not alone. There are other women living the same crazy life that we are. On the way home from the conference, The Dad and I were talking about  what we each considered the biggest gains we took away from the weekend. For the Dad, it was the many DOTs (Dads of Trauma) he met. The Dad wrote about his perspective  and I will post what he wrote tomorrow.

I was really surprised by how much The Dad got out of the weekend. I was more surprised at how much I learned about myself. I will try to share as much as I can in this week's posts.

It Doesn't Mean I like It!

I am going to Chicago for the Parenting in SPACE event in Chicago. The Dad and I leave before the girls are up tomorrow. There are some pluses- I think I'll get to have dinner Sat with one of my favorite Trauma Mamas. It wouldn't hurt for The Dad and I to spend time without the girls. I believe I have made solid arrangements for both GB and Hope, separately.


BUT I am not comfortable with both of us being so far away from them for 3 full days. I dislike meeting large (say any more then eight) groups of people. I will feel claustrophobic.

The Dad really wants to meet other Dads that are doing this. I already have my Trauma  Mamas.

I will stop whining and start packing. But that doesn't mean I like it.
     

Just Because...

Yesterday was my birthday. I want to get myself a Great White Pyrenees puppy as a birthday gift. They are beautiful, gentle dogs and extremely loyal. The are also easy to train  and because of their size, about 120#, people find them intimidating. I have a big, old farm house so I have plenty of room for him.

Of course, with five special needs kids/adults, a baby, a service dog, two Maine Coon cats, and my health, everybody I have seen this past weekend, who asked what I wanted for my birthday, has looked at me like I was nuts when they heard my answer. I understand their reaction. It doesn't make sense. It is a crazy idea.

I am not sure where the idea came from and I probably won't act on it. It is possible that the fact a Great White Pyrenees puppy makes no sense in my current life and would be utterly selfish is one of the reasons the idea is still hanging around. Sometimes, it would be nice to have something just because I want it and say "oh well" to everything else.

Being Brave!

I am essentially a none social person. I don't like meeting strangers. I don't like loud, crowded rooms. I need a lot of contact with someone before I give friendship a chance. Yet not only did I go to the Orlando Rad Mom's retreat, but I agreed to be house mother. Corey said I didn't have to do anything I didn't want to do. I had a couple of people that I was already friends with- J., Jennie, Lisa. I really, really wanted to see them. I really wanted to meet Dia por Dia. Hope had a 103 fever. I really didn't want to leave her. I am having my hip replaced Wednesday and I really didn't want to leave GB either. My white matter syndrome makes what kind of a day I have a toss up. Friday and Saturday were not so good days; Today, Sunday, has been a good day so far.

I felt really lucky at the airport Friday, because when I found the welcoming committee, I knew who everyone was. I got to ride from the airport to the main house with J! I lost my phone at the airport, but since I had already texted the Dad and MK that I was safely here, I didn't worry about it. It was found and turned in, so I can pick it up on my way home tomorrow. Glad I didn't waste anytime worrying :-) When I got to the main house, everybody was friendly and welcoming, but it didn't matter. I got to hug Lisa! Jennie was there real and in person. We went to our villa at 4 o'clock and it was stunning. The swimming pool was at least 100 degrees. Physically, I was very tired. My balance was off and the tremors were noticeable. I went out to see the pool and contemplate sticking my feet in or maybe even swimming. I slipped and fell. I landed on my left hip. I have a big bruise, but it doesn't hurt anymore than it did  before I fell.  I decided to rest instead of going to the purse party. There were going to be too many people in too little space anyway.

I slept late Saturday, but was ready for my spa trip. I have never had any massage except from my cousin massaging my neck, but I decided to jump in. I went for a full body massage and even did it nude. It started with some soft music that really wasn't music. I was laying on my belly and this really nice smell drifted into be. I was trying to figure out what it was when the massage started. I remember the therapist going around my body in an orderly fashion. I noticed when she massaged my head. It was all perfect. There was no sense of time passing. I felt a sharp stab of peppermint flow through me and the massage was over and I was awake. An hour had passed in the real world, although it was timeless in my world. I was so glad that I had risked something new. I went for a haircut and met a master haircutter. She was young and nice and worked steadily on my hair, a little snip at a time. It took longer than any haircut I have ever had, but I had no trouble sitting still. It might have been a left over from the message. I still look exactly like me, only better.

I had dinner with my housemates and spent hours listening and talking to new people and it was easy. They went out to visit other houses around 11ish, and I went to bed. I have a hard time walking when I can't see where I'm going; I was not about to try it in the dark. It was a good choice- I woke up refreshed before eight this morning. I took a long bubble bath, complete with the pink ducky Corey gave me, put on clean PJs and went with Lori to be the finish line for the 5K. Three of our housemates finished and it was fun cheering everyone on. I went swimming, had lunch, and am off to the parents panel... coming here was a great idea. I am happy I took the chance. This is better than I ever dreamed it would be.