A Day Off From School

The girls had no school today. Ellie, GB's service dog, has diarrhea. MK is bouncing more and more as court gets closer. I have an appointment for a third opinion on the neuroma in my foot next week. Surgery seems inevitable. 


This week, we are focusing on DAY. Any Defiance, Aggression, or Yelling results in time out to get yourself back together.  We also implemented restitution or relationship repair. GB seems to be responding to DAY and I am seeing the first beginnings in Hope that she recognizing  that raging is not making things better.


Organizing is coming slowly, but it is coming. Maybe tomorrow will bring pictures.

Taste of Normalcy

The girls and I went swimming today. Hope did better while we were in the pool. GB enjoyed herself thoroughly and came home barely able to keep her eyes open. It was a taste of normalcy that we all needed!

Our Monday

• Hope finally had her blood work done. She still flipped out, but this morning there were enough people to hold her down.
• GB, with MK's help, used her newest cookbook to make monkey cupcakes for her class. I love how they came out.
• Took the two hour round trip with The Dad and the girls this morning. The psychiatrist spent a half hour talking to GB and 10 minutes taking to Hope. She is pleased with how GB is doing on the new medication. She wants an EKG done on Hope.
• The trip zapped me. I came home after dropping the girls at school and my oxygen saturation levels hovered around 90. I hope I get to stay in bed for the day, but the doctor might want to see me (I am not calling her).
• Back fighting with the Director of Special Education. I want both girls' CSE meetings before Thanksgiving.
• Normal (at least our normal) is within sight. Stitches out Friday.

Trying for Quiet

It took her almost a week, but Hope has figured out that I can not make her do anything as long as I have to stay in bed. She is an unhappy little girl because since she has made it clear she was not listening to me I am not letting her in the room with me unless The Dad is also here. She tried to convince The Dad she had listened to me, but his logic buried her.

Everyone could use a break around her. Everybody (but me) is playing the Wii now and I am hoping they will burn off some excess energy before bed. I get my stitches out Friday, so  we will all be able to go swimming next weekend. My grandson ran full speed into the window ledge. He is so fast it is scary. I am a little bit happy that I am incapacitated, since nobody currently expects me to keep up with him. These days he usually looks like he is a prize fighter. Hope bumped her chin against the bus window Thursday and had a small, nasty looking wound. She has been picking hat it since and is now bigger and uglier. She wants me to make it better. We are not doing well on cause and effect at the moment.

My goal is to get through the rest of the weekend quietly. Hope still hasn't has her bloodwork, Maybe Monday morning...

Still Here...Sort Of

This is just an update because I don't have anything else in me at the moment.

* GB has been on the ant-psychotic loxapine for 5 days now. It has taken the edge off the mania, but I am hoping for so much more.

* Hope's birthday has come and gone, the tantrums still linger rage on.

* Texas parents sent Hope a big box of gifts. Didn't open it, haven't answered their last email, Hope hasn't brought them up.

* GB's respite provider died last night. They never did control the pain.

* I had back to back CSE meetings set up for tomorrow, for a total of three hours. I had to cancel them.

* I had to cancel them because the minor surgery I was having done in an outpatient clinic morphed into real surgery at the hospital tomorrow because of my ongoing medical problems.

* They knocked down my parents house today. It now looks pretty much as it did before they started building 23 years ago... an empty lot. The koi pond is gone.

My mother always said if you have nothing positive to say, be quiet. That is not what she did, only what she said. 

A Good Start

Both girls started the week in a good space. GB did not clobber Hope at all. Hope, while still poking at full speed, did not rage, get physical. or even threaten this weekend. She still loves ballet. She ate dinner 2 out of 3 nights, and actual let herself enjoy another child. Her homework was still undone and went back to school that way. I told her teacher I would help/fight Hope 1/2 hour per assignment and after that it was the schools problem. Reading is still a mystery to Hope and she does not like having to say "I don't know". GB is enjoying her mainstream reading group. On of the girls in it is someone GB has had social contact with on and off for years. The district needed to be reminded of the aide that is suppose to attend these groups with her, but I think it has been resolved. It rained pretty much all weekend, and I am rained out. At least autumn temperatures are here!

Random Ramblings

My sister and niece spent the weekend with us in the North Carolina mountains. It was really good to see them again. On Sunday, they left to go back to Raleigh and took GB and I with them. The rest of the crew is coming to Raleigh today. Hope and GB enjoyed a two day break from each other.

GB was thrilled to have extra time with her almost 17 year old cousin, Danae. Hope was thrilled to have the spot light all to herself. Hope can now swim the length of the pool without stopping. GB is developing a nice dive.

We received an unexpected call from the realtor for my parents house Saturday. It looks like it is sold. We have less than 6 weeks to empty out the house. It hit me pretty hard. My mom has been gone over three years and I thought I was ready. Maybe not. My sister came up with the idea of moving Mom's koi pond to her house. It made me feel much better. I suspect it is going to be very difficult and a lot of work.

We were supposed to be home by Saturday. I am now wondering if it makes more sense to spend the weekend in North Myrtle Beach. I still hope to see a Soul Sister or two before I leave the Carolinas.

Tired

In the last week:

• My family doctor spend twenty minutes with Hope and offered ME tranquilizers.
•  My grandson has been sick and needed to to see the doctor three times + 4 hours @ hospital getting fluids.
• Hope's therapist asked if I was thinking of giving up.
• 1 1/2 days on girls school (won but tiring)
• Hope had a good day Thursday. Today is day # 4 of impossible.
• The Dad is fried- complaining that being with the girls is not relaxing.
• I hurt.
• I am tired.

and bedtime is five hours away.

On the plus side: I am at 23/500 in Corey's Fundraiser and I am registered for Orlando!

Missing Two Days

Blogger is back after being gone for almost two days. It ate two posts- one that had been out there already and another that was almost complete when it crashed. Maybe they will come back, maybe they won't.

Yesterday was a beautiful day here. It was bright and sunny, about 70 degrees and all the spring flowers were in bloom. I went to lunch with a friend and The Dad surprised everybody by coming home early. An early dinner, baths, and both girls were asleep by seven.

All state testing is done. I am still picking up the girls, so GB's bus fears have calmed down. Today is gray and rainy, but with things settling down at home, I am not bothered by it.

After all these years, I am still occasionally caught by surprise by how much changes of routine screw with my kids.

At Least I'm Making Some Progress...

• Separate gymnastic classes worked out well yesterday. Both girls did well and enjoyed it.
• Hope is signed up for special needs swimming lessons.
• Went to Hope's team meeting. It was interesting. First they took Hope off for height and weight. While Hope was gone I filled them in on Hope's behavior for the last month. Hope came in and I spoke about the environmental changes we have made. Hope spoke up and asked if they knew all the bad things she did. The shrink said no and asked her if she would tell them. She said "no, because then you would hate me." The shrink kept pushing and Hope shut down. I  finally told her didn't have to say anything if she didn't want to. Hope went back to class and the shrink wanted to know if I could set her off. I told  the shrink it was a stupid question.
• Have a case manager for GB. Filled out reams of paper work today, and probably signed my soul away in the process- the last ten or fifteen minutes I was signing without reading.
• My pain is a 7 at the moment.
• Off to get the girls off the bus and go to therapy. We won't get back until almost eight.

I Am Back!

Did you miss me? I have been gone because of surgery and complications. I wrote about it on my other blog.

There was only two days between Orlando and my surgery, so I am not sure how much of the girls difficulties are related to each event. The Dad was on overload and that probably contributed to the girls falling apart too. Both girls see the new shrink today and I am hoping a medication change helps GB.

The Dad and I aren't reading the same book right now, much less on the same page. How do I know? When I try to talk about the girls, the stock response has been "Of course you feel that way" no matter what the topic is. GB is currently adamant that she DOES NOT want a sister and is very articulate in express it. She also is very clear that Hope lies to get her in trouble and feels nobody is listening to her. I have a call in to her therapist in school. Hope is crying over everything. The Dad is soft and quiet with Hope and jumps all over GB. I find myself trying to be a barrier between GB and the stress she is feeling. Not a good situation. I have been waiting for the Dad to be in a less overwhelmed space. I am not sure how long I'll have to wait.

Orlando gave me some of my perspective back and at least I do not have to fight my own anger. Either we will come to a place where we can talk about things again or not. If we don't, as soon as I am released from restrictions on what I can do physically, he will go back to being consumed by his job and I will go back to parenting solo. Either way, the situation will get resolved.

What I Can Now Tell You About Hope

• Hope is potty trained. 3 full days with no accidents and 5 full nights with dry pull-ups.
• Hope is very manipulative. She is ALWAYS watching for our reaction. If her lower lip vibrates, it is a sure sign the crying is fake. She deliberately knocks over drinks, dumps out food, and takes other people's property after making sure I am watching.
• All her rages are fueled by fear. Fear of abandonment tops the list.
• Yesterday, I gave Hope and GB a snack after school. Hope finished first and left the kitchen. As soon as she left the kitchen, she started screaming, "Mommy where are you? Mommy come here"
• She can not do anything unless either the Dad, GB or I are within 4 feet of her. She needs us to use the toilet, brush her teeth, get dressed, eat or play. The good news (?) is that she does each of  these activities completely independently and doesn't physically need help.
• As long as somebody is close enough, she can play independently for long stretches of time.

Hope is good at building!

Hope also likes getting her picture taken!

• We made her a picture book chronicling her adoption; no words, just pictures. She looks at it frequently, but so far has had no interest in talking about it.
• Hope still insists I am mean and ugly and her Texas mom is dead. I have a meeting with her therapist at school set up for right after her CSE meeting Tuesday.
• GB is off to a Mets' game with her Dad, so Hope and I have the whole afternoon/ evening together  :)
• Corey was right about the sexual acting out- Hope diddles herself in the living room. We are stressing privacy. We have never let the two girls out of our sight, so that is not an issue.