Patience

pa·tience/ˈpāSHəns/

Noun:

The capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset.

I have always been considered a patient person. I was patient with family number one. I was patient with mentally ill family. I was patient with teenagers no one else would take. I was patient with GB, who came to me as an infant shorty before my 46th birthday. I was patient with my Head Start kids while working as a psychologist. I was sure, if nothing else, I had patience mastered. Then came Hope.


I looked up the definition of patience this morning. "accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering". I have that part down. "without getting angry or upset.". Ahhh. With Hope, that seems to be my downfall. Why?

I know part of it is because I don't have the energy I used to. I can't be up all night and function well the next day. I think part of it is Hope's last seven weeks of behavior that has gotten worse each week. I have had Radlets before. My oldest daughter has RAD. I have never had a RAD before that went seven weeks without a good day. Not.a.single.good.day. She never lets up. Not being able to medicate her because of heart issues means she is up until 10 or 11 every night. Each week, I think, *well , we've hit rock bottom*. Each week she has proven me wrong. I get angry. I get upset.


This week I am going to try to be Zen. I am going into this week with no expectations. Maybe I will do better.