Double Therapy Tuesday

Hope had two therapy appointments yesterday. Double the fun. The Dad and went to the school in the morning and spent 90 minutes with her therapist. After sharing updates (no surprises), the therapist called Hope down. Hope spent about 30 minutes wavering between the behavior of an 18 month old and that of a three year old. She  crawled on the floor, used a baby voice, with immature language, had no attention span,  and less frustration tolerance.We are seeing this A LOT. It was a relief when it was time for her to go to lunch. The therapist had no ideas, no suggestions.


Last night was regular Therapy Tuesday. Hope raged the entire time GB was in with the therapist. When it was her turn, she refused to go in. Eventually, the Dad gave her no choice. Orlando and my Trauma Mamas are 3 weeks and 2 days away. I can't wait.

Through the Rage

Hope came home from school yesterday surly. I gave her a snack and afterwards told her it was homework time. She responded by kicking me, with her shoes on, hard. I immediately took her to the floor and restrained her. I.am.NOT.getting.beat.up.any.more. 

Hope was prone, I was on my side. I had Hope's arms crossed over her head. I took her shoes off. All normal stuff. She tried to head butt me, and I put my cheek in the hollow of her neck so that she couldn't. Skin to skin contact. Hope struggled a little less. I realized I had enough movement left in my left index finger to reach Hope's cheek. I started softly stroking it. I used no words, just touch.  After fifteen minutes of screaming, threatening, and trying to scratch me, she went limp. I kept stroking her cheek. Time passed. When I felt safe enough to let Hope up, the rage was gone. 

The games were still there. The homework was done incorrectly. She tried her usual bag of RAD tricks. BUT... the rage was gone and for that I am thankful.

Strong Sitting

Strong sitting is a technique for helping RADlets heal that I first read about in a Nancy Thomas book. I modified this particular technique so that it worked for us.


Hope has a 24" vinyl mat that she sits on. It is portable and can go anywhere with us. We have used it as a thinking spot, a cool off spot, and a keep Hope contained spot. It worked most of the time. However, when a child has already passed the point of no return, getting them to sit and a mat and collect themselves isn't going to happen very likely. That is when I had the idea to use Hope's mat for strong sitting. For six minutes (one minute per year) Hope is strong sitting on her mat before each meal.


This is what we do for strong sitting:

• Hope sits on the center of the mat, on her bottom.
• Legs are criss-cross applesauce.
• Her back is straight, hands rest on her knees, relaxed.
• She is encouraged to focus on the good choices she is going to make.

The meal is waiting for her when she has completed her strong sitting.


I am hoping that regular practice will not only let Hope reset several times a day, but make the mat a place Hope  associates with calm control.

Has anybody else used a version of strong sitting?

It's All Our Fault...

Hope is in the midst of a major regression. We have gone back to the basics. Tomorrow's post is on strong sitting. A couple of weeks ago, The Dad had written to the Texas parents, asking if, for Hope's sake, they would be willing to talk about the trauma Hope experienced. Today he got a response. They said they would think and pray about the answer to the Dad's question. 


More interestingly, part of their email read:

                   Sadly, we believe that her feelings of abandonment are heightened because of her inability to remain in contact with us.  The very thing we felt so strongly about has now happened, without Hope's control or ours.  In an ideal situation, both families agree to communicate and embrace the pain and loss, in order to help the child and family come to a place of restoration, healing and forgiveness.

Despite every person involved with Hope's mental health have advised against any contact at this point, the Texas parents remain stuck where they are. I have known disruptions where on going contact works and is even desirable. They are not her birth family, but they are the only family she ever had.  My RADling is currently stuck in her behavior, but slowly she is starting to share what happened in Texas. As long as she is slowly sharing the trauma, I am not inclined to allow contact with Texas until I understand what went wrong.

Thank You, Integrity Singer

 I commissioned a quilt for MK from my friend Integrity Singer. It came today and is brilliantly made. MK loved it. Integrity Singer  has more pictures of it on peace in puzzles . If you ever need a beautiful, practical gift, Integrity Singer  might be able to dream up something as beautiful for you!

Tired of Being a Punching Bag

Hope came home from school scowling yesterday. I took her book bag to see how her day had gone, and was sidetracked by the stuff in it that wasn't hers. Most of it was meaningless stuff- hand lotion, Ben-gay, a barrette. Then I saw GB's charm bracelet from my DIL. It is important to GB and Hope knows that. Maybe Hope figured the best defense was a good offense. Whatever her reasoning, she went from arms crossed to physical in a tenth of a second. She did her best to beat the crap out of me and called me curse words I didn't know she knew. I restrained her. Twice she seemed to calm down. Both times, as soon as I let go of her hands, she was at it again. After the second time, I told her I would not give her another chance until The Dad was home. When he came home, he took over the restraint. It took him 45 minutes before she was in control.


We still do not have the results back from the Holter monitor, so we still can't put her on medication. I am still struggling with viral pneumonia and I didn't want to get up this morning.

Not This Week

Therapy Tuesday was better than last week. Hope's screaming stopped before  9 pm. Of course the last half of my preemptive plans never had a chance. On the way home from therapy we received a call from a very upset MK. She had picked up Mali from his father and there was something wrong with his arm. Since the Dad was driving, I talked MK to the emergency room. We went to the hospital and the Dad stayed with her and the baby. Mali had a dislocated elbow.


Hope was not happy. She started with the phony whine/cry and repeating over and over "I am not going to bed without Daddy". When we got home, I told her to get pjs on and that is when she went off for real. She tried to kick me until I got her up the stairs and into bed. The screaming in bed lasted over an hour.


I am thinking that we need to simplify and go back to the beginning. We need to practice basic commands and strong sitting. The TV is off until we master those skills (again). I am not sure when we lost them, but I need them back. Soon.